the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
