chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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