My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
