so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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