I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
