flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize