I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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