i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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