nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
