i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
