Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
