tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
