I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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