I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
