My room smells like vodka and shame
I smell stomach acid.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
