wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
