discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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