Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
