the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
