Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize