is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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