When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize