Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
