I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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