It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
