i jhust puked up my retainher.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
