yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
