i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
