i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is wine microwaveable?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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