Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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