those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
