We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
