Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
