u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
