I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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