she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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