Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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