I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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