Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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