Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
