i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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