I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
