I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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