I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
