I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize