I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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