thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
