I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
