Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
