I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
