I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have fence marks all over my body
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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