WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
