...so i touched it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
