i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
