He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
