considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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