oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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