I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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