Where is the hickey?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
