Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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