I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
