dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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