the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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