Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize