i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
