ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
