perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
