i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
