everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
