he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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