Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
