I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
And then he peed in my hair
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