apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
