my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
