i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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