At least make sure they are 18
Why
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
